disassociated

So weird...

I never thought that I would be unemployed again.  The last time I was unemployed it only took two months to find a job.  It has now been 3 months.  I am not worried yet.  Yet...

So, what do I do?  I participate in NaNoWriMo, procrastinate, continue writing one of the novel's I want published and become depressed.

Oh, being depressed isn't that bad.  You sleep, cry, eat...  oh yes, you eat.  I discontinued purchasing snack items from the store lest I devour them all in a fit of stuffing my face out of boredom.  There is only so much that one can do in their own house before it gets boring.

I was going to organize a lot more than I have, however, the motivation to do so is nowhere to be found.  I haven't plucked my eyebrows in a month.  For a woman, that is a very long time.  No unibrow....yet...

I wanted to reinvent myself, start over, find the perfect job and be happy, publish my book and be worry free...  All the wants went out the window.  Now it is the need! 

The hour of need.  I need to get up every morning.  I need to take a shower every day.  I need to NOT eat that donut for breakfast.  I need to clean my house.  I need to just make my bed.  I need to get on the internet and find a job.  I need someone to call me and give me an interview.  I need to take care of my family. 

Every day is a repetition of the last.  I think I have started to dissasociate myself with the things I loved to do.  I don't want to do it, but I find myself withdrawing into myself little by little.  Lost in my own thoughts.  Lost in my own daydream.